Star Blecch Into Dumbness
Star Blecch Into Dumbness is a take-off of Star Trek Into Darkness. This segment is from MAD Season 4, Episode 16 (94): Star Blecch Into Dumbness / Stark Tank. Summary The crew of the U.S.S. Starship Enterprise dumbly go where many other movies have gone before. References TBA MAD References *'Star Blecch' *[[Old Spock's Off Their Spockers|'Old Spock's Off Their Spockers']] Characters *Captain James T. Kirk *Nyota Uhura *Spock *Mr. Hikaru Sulu *Khan (although he was not still John Harrison) Transcript (The scene goes to the Enterprise underwater then cuts to the crew.) Uhura: Captain, Spock is trapped in the volcano with a cold fusion bomb. (Spock uses a cold fusion bomb to stop the volcano from erupting) ''But we're not allowed to leave the water but if the natives will see us, which breaks the Prime Directive. '''Captain Kirk': I don't care what's allowed. Take this ship to the surface, fly through the air, and then pick up Spock. Scotty: But Captain, this is a spaceship, not a submarine, or a regular ship, or an airplane. Captain Kirk: I said I don't care what's allowed or what makes sense. Spock: Come to think of it, why didn't we lower me into the volcano at all? Why didn't we just lower the bomb? Captain Kirk: I said I don't care! Just do it! (The scene cuts to the Enterprise where it rises from the ocean and takes Spock back to the Starfleet Headquarters while a native goes fishing and flies away while he screams then the natives watch in shock. The scene cuts to the native leader who talks to others about what happened.) Native Leader: And so, the spaceship swam out of the water, rescued their friend, who, they dropped in a volcano, on purpose, and sailed away. Native 1: I don't know. Do cold fusion bombs even work like that? Native 2: And why didn't they just lower the bomb down? Native 1: You said it was a spaceship, but it was in the water. Isn't that dumb? Native Leader: Look, it'll all make sense. Do you want to hear the rest or not? (The natives agree then the title starts and the Enterprise crashes into the earth. The scene cuts to Admiral Marcus who talks to Kirk.) Admiral Marcus: Kirk, for breaking the Prime Directive, you're demoted and kicked off the Enterprise. Captain Kirk: Aw, man. Admiral Marcus: But, a madman named John Harrison just killed your mentor, so you're promoted and back in charge of the Enterprise. Captain Kirk: Yes! Admiral Marcus: Now, get to the Klingon homeworld and get that guy. (The scene cuts to Captain Kirk, Spock and Bones who captured John Harrison and he closes the window.) Captain Kirk: And we got him. Bones: That was fast. Captain Kirk: Yeah, these Mad parodies move at a brisk pace, don't they? You're out of luck now, John Harrison. Khan: (Sinisterly) ''Oh, but I am not John Harrison. My name is Khan. '''Captain Kirk': Oh, I'm sorry. I was supposed to capture a guy named John Harrison. My mistake. All right, let this guy go. (He opens the window) Khan: No, I mean, I am John Harrison. Captain Kirk: Oh. (He closes the window again) Khan: I was working with Admiral Marcus, and he sent you to blow me up so you wouldn't find out the truth. Sulu: Sir, Admiral Marcus is trying to blow us up, so we don't find out the truth. Captain Kirk: All right, we gotta go over there and stop him. Khan, you're coming with me. (He opens the window again) Spock: Captain, is it wise to trust Khan? Captain Kirk: You know what they say. The former friend and now enemy of my current enemy who was a friend is my friend now. (A brief pause) ''It works. Trust me. ''(Spock comes aboard) Spock: Uhura, I want to know what we're up against. Can you contact old Spock? Uhura: Right away. (Loudly) ''Hey, old Spock, wake up! '''Old Spock': (He snores then wakes up) Old Spock, reporting for cameo. Spock: What can you tell me about a man named Khan? Old Spock: Tell you, I'll show you. He's part of my home movies. All right, it should be cued to the part with Khan in it.'' (He puts his home movies in the player and the screen changes to the credits) Oh, I passed it. Let's just rewind. ''(He rewinds the movie) Spock: It's a DVD, you can skip to the chapter. Old Spock: No, no, I've already hit rewind. (The movie continues to rewind.) Spock: You don't have to... (The screen changes to Khan who laughs evilly) Khan: I, Khan, have taken over this ship. Old Spock: Wait, that's Khan? I don't remember Khan being a lot less pasty. Khan: I was frozen for 300 years. I haven't gotten much sun, give me a break, will ya? Also, hand over those 72 torpedoes Marcus gave you or I will blow up your ship. Spock: You want the torpedoes? Khan: Yes. Spock: All right. (Picks up a carrot) He asked for it. (Spock energizes the torpedoes. The scene cuts to the space and the USS Vengeance explodes. The scene cuts to the natives.) Native 1: Hold on, wait a second. He wanted the torpedoes? Native Leader: Yes, well, he had hidden all his friends in them. Native 2: Why would he hide his friends in torpedoes? Native Leader: Well, Marcus was using him to build new weapons because Khan was from the past. Native 1: Why would a guy from the past be able to make new weapons? Are you even listening to yourself? Native 2: You know, now might be a good time to move on to the next sketch. (The segment ends.) Trivia *This segment may as well be a sequel to Star Blecch. *This is the second time Star Trek Into Darkness showed up. The first was the MADvent Calendar from the start of G.I. E.I. Joe / Dog with a Captain's Log. Category:Movie Segment Category:Movie Parodies Category:Segments